Please fill the report form!

Form for Computer Complaints
from the O'Byrne Files © Computer Department

SYSTEM PROBLEM REPORT

 This is a form to make the reporting of problems consistent, allow records of
problems to be kept, and a method of discouraging users from
reporting faults we can't deal with in the first place.

 1.      Your Name: _____________________  Do you work here? Yes ___  No ___
       Department: ____________________

 2.      Your Login Name: _______________ 

 3.      The date? __/__/__

 4.      The date the problem first occurred if different? __/__/__ 

 5.      Problem severity:
       Minor ___       Minor ___       Minor ___       Minor ___ 

 6.      Which machine?        ___________________

 7.      What appears to be at fault?  Floppy     ___              Mouse ___
       Communications ___            Disk       ___          Base Unit ___
             Network  ___            Keyboard   ___             Screen ___
             Nothing  ___            Everything ___         Don't Know ___ 

 7.1     Is it plugged in?                                   Yes ___  No ___
7.2     Is it switched on?                                  Yes ___  No ___
7.3     Has it been stolen?                                 Yes ___  No ___
7.4     Have you tried to fix it yourself?                  Yes ___  No ___
7.4.1   Have you thumped it?                                Yes ___  No ___
7.4.2   Have you made it worse?                             Yes ___  No ___
7.5     Have you read the manual?                           Yes ___  No ___
7.5.1   Are you sure you've read the manual?                Yes ___  No ___
7.5.2   Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual?  Yes ___  No ___
7.5.3   Did you understand it?                              Yes ___  No ___
7.5.4   If 'Yes", then why can't you fix it yourself?   ___________________
       ___________________________________________________________________ 

 7.6     Is the equipment unexpectedly noisy?                Yes ___  No ___
7.6.1   If 'Yes", what sort of noise?
          Grinding ___     Rattling ___    Squeaking ___       Musical ___
          Whirring ___            High Pitched Whine ___      Clicking ___
          Sound of disk head drilling hole in disk   ___
          Strange, out of tune whistling or humming  ___

 7.7     Is there a smell of burning?                        Yes ___  No ___
7.7.1   If "Yes", is the equipment on fire?                 Yes ___  No ___
7.7.2   If "Yes", is the building on fire?                  Yes ___  No ___ 

 7.8     Is the fault repeatable?                            Yes ___  No ___

 7.9.1   Have you been using the equipment for the purpose it was intended?
                                                           Yes ___  No ___
7.9.2   What were you doing (with the equipment) at the time the fault occurred?
       ___________________________________________________________________
       ___________________________________________________________________ 

 7.9.1   If 'Nothing', explain why you were logged in.
       ___________________________________________________________________ 

 7.10    Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem?
                                                           Yes ___  No ___

 7.11    Describe the problem ______________________________________________
       ___________________________________________________________________ 

 7.12    Now, describe the problem accurately ______________________________
       ___________________________________________________________________
7.13    Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem ___________________
       ___________________________________________________________________
       ___________________________________________________________________ 

 7.14    Can't you do something else, rather than bothering us?
                                                           Yes ___  No ___

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How to really assist a Technical Support Unit at work

• When something goes wrong with your family's PC at home, simply bring it in to work and dump it on a sysadmin's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. They really love a good puzzle.

• When you have a sysadmin on the phone talking you through changing various settings, start reading the newspaper. They don't actually intend you to do anything; they just love to hear the sound of their own voices.

• When the printer won't print, please re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

• Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. Technical Support Units know exactly what you mean by "My thingy's outta whatsit".

• If you've just started taking night classes in computer science, please feel free to go around and update the network drivers for all your co-workers. They're grateful for any overtime.

• Don't ever thank us. They're getting paid for this.

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